Confusion

I am confused. A few months back I thought I lost a friend. I thought there was no coming back in anyway shape or form. Yet this week I get a text asking to meet up. I have no idea as to what is about to go down.....definitely NOT what did go down. Short and sweet, I see her, she asks for a hug, then asks if I have a min. We go outside and talk for at least 2 hours.....like nothing ever happened. What happened was addressed, but then, blown off like it was nothing. She catches me up on whats going on in her life, I get a hug from her brother and we all joke around about some things. She asks me whats going on with me. Not on the outside but in my head...like she used to do. At first, I decided that this was just a "clear the air" convo; but at the end of the day....... she says she will talk to me later and gives me a hug goodbye. She keeps me confused.......

Forgiveness....long over due

I think about you everyday. Trust its killing me that you aren't speaking to me. Understandable since I wasn't there when u needed me the most. Please believe I beat myself up over this on a daily basis. I know it doesn't matter though so its gonna have to be ok. I am getting to the point though where I am up and beyond over it. I've apologized numerous times....even buying "forgive me" cards. And figuring out how ima get it to you. I can't apologize enough to you about it. So I'm done apologizing. If you eventually forgive me then great, if not..........fuck it. I know that's harsh but you know me. Chuck em.

New avenues of expression

I think I want to take up photography.

A virus

I am beginning to believe that our relationship was parasitic instead of symbiotic. On the skin it looked to anybody immediately in it as a symbiotic beautiful thing but I believe that underneath it all she was rotting me away all the while making me believe that I was growing. Now that I have cured myself, I still have to deal with the aftermath of how I rotted and watch helplessly as she possibly rots my friends as well. Because of her relationships turned and are now festering with no visible hope of healing. As long as a parasite is in the vicinity the victim can and will not get better. Regretfully; those who are watching this from the outside can do nothing but attempt to warn the potential victim as to what they are undertaking. Thankfully, I have a nurse that warned me while i was in this parasitic yet symbiotic relationship as to what was possibly in store for me in the future. Now that I am healing from its demise, she is still here to help me through the pain. I love her for that.